Friday, May 18, 2007

Will this week never end?

A simple question one would think, however I am truly starting to feel like this is going to be a neverending week!
Starting with my dog getting her eye popped out of her head by a much bigger dog and a vet bill of $260 and then finding out that my father is dying and then my best friend in the whole world had her baby boy on Mother's Day and then on Tuesday my sister and I made the long journey up to Calgary to visit our dad and spent Wednesday in Calgary and then came home on Thursday and now today (Friday) I am heading to Red Deer for a wedding and the wedding is tomorrow and then coming home on Sunday!
Long car ride, day in Calgary, long car ride, half day of work, long car ride, wedding, long car ride.
I am going to be pretty cranky come Sunday night!
I am so glad to have gone to see my dad though. It is hard when you are "estranged" or whatever it is that you call out relationship. Having not seen him in six years and not talked to him in like 5 I wasn't sure how I would feel going there. But of course he is my dad and I love him and it was so so so hard to see him looking the way he does.
The last time I saw him he was a healthy 5 foot 11 200 pound man. Now he is a very sickly 160 pounds or so. It's hard.
When Robyn and I said good-bye, and I was hugging him, it was the hug that could last a lifetime. And I suppose in a way it actually is because I may never see him again. That was what hurt the most. After we embraced and I walked down the front steps and headed to the car, I looked back and waved and he waved and said I love you and I choked on my reply as I called out I love you too and realized that I would probably never see him again.
As Robyn and I drove away - both of us with tears running down our faces - I tried hard to be strong - I wanted to be there for her like she was for me with Dad (Wayne) - but I couldn't. After a couple of blocks I said to her that I almost wished I hadn't come because it would have been easier to be in that position of "Oh well I haven't even seen him or talked to him in years". I thought it might have been easier to deal with this whole situation that way.
She was right, however, when she pointed out that if I had not come to see him I would have regretted it for the rest of my life.
She's right. I would never have forgiven myself for not seeing him one last time.
It was a nice visit and I will be able to remember it and cherish it. And that is what counts.

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